Have you ever heard the rumor that plus size girls should stay away from horizontal lines because they make them look wider? Well, I care to disagree. I feel sexy and confident in this 80s dress I picked up at Pretty Penny in Oakland. And that’s all that matters, right? – how you feel in the clothes you wear. My mother taught me to dress up and get pretty for myself and no one else. I didn’t know what she meant at first but after I started loving myself and finding my confidence in my mid-20s, I realized what she meant. If you feel comfortable in your clothes, you feel confident and it shows. This doesn’t apply to just plus size, it goes for everyone of all sizes. I believe it’s all about how your clothes fit you, not the size printed on the clothes label. Same goes for shoes. Your shoes may be on point but if they kill your feet and you’re uncomfortable, it shows.
Before finding my confidence, I was a horrible person. I hated on everybody (mostly other women) because I thought it would make me feel better about myself. Nowadays, I’m a believer of empowering other women to feel great about themselves. Women should work together and not against each other.When you see a girlfriend becoming successful, congratulate her instead of hating on her. When we empower each other to become successful, we are creating the confidence, inspiration, and state of mind to aim for success ourselves.
Confidence is everything and I have come to learn that when you truly love yourself, you don’t let people treat you less than how you want to be treated. People get stuck in abusive relationships or get caught in domestic violence cases because they truly believe that they can’t do any better or that they actually deserve the abuse. WRONG. Most abusers (male or female) prey on people they know have low self-esteem because they know they can control them. Many years ago, I listened to a keynote speech at a Mary Kay event. If you’re not familiar with Mary Kay, they are a cosmetics company that empowers women to “achieve personal growth and financial success”. One of the takeaways that resonated with me from this speech was this – “Fill your cup first before you can fill others”. Good point. How can you love others when you don’t love yourself?
I’m not saying it’s easy to love yourself and be confident (it was a long journey for me). Building your self-esteem is a process. It’s all in your mind, really. Reciting positive affirmations everyday to yourself, writing notes with these affirmations and placing them where you can easily see them (i.e. your bathroom mirror when you brush your teeth in the morning) will help you realize your true worth. Ever heard of writing love letters to yourself? May sound weird but it’s a real thing. No one else has to read it but you. This might be hard at first, especially when you’re already feeling like you suck. But you have to dig deep and really find the things that you love about yourself and include them in your letter.
My mother raised my siblings and I not to rely on anyone else but ourselves to make us happy or make money. She taught us that creating our own opportunities and making our own money prevents any one person from controlling us.This was the best advice I have ever gotten in my life. I have seen plenty of examples where a stay-at-home wife feels she has no voice or freedom to leave because she is afraid that she cannot survive on her own. We only have one life. Why be miserable when we can all choose to pursue happiness and success?
All photos taken by Scott Louie.